she has cheated on me twice while I have been gone.should I be worried?

I have been married 8.5yrs to my wife, she has cheated on me twice while I have been gone.should I be worried? I am in the army and gone from home alot. Every time that she has cheated I have been away. currently I am stationed overseas and I am begining to get the feeling that she may be doing something back home. 

You have every right to feel the way you're feeling. I think that when you get home, you and your wife should sit down and talk to see if you two should remain married. Your wife doesn't act like she appreciates, or even cares about you. If she doesn't get her act together then you should move on. You don't need this kind of stress on you right now or ever. There are plenty of other fish in the sea

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Do you have friends back home that will check for you? This happened to my brother and it broke his heart when he came back home!

I think you should not be worried and divorce her. Why would you want to be with someone that has no respect for you. You are serving our country and everytime you are gone..she cheats....there is something wrong with that picture. You should have left her after the first time because when you stayed you were basically telling her that it is ok to do whatever she wants to because she knows that you will forgive her and take her back> I am very sorry you have to deal with this especially being overseas. I hope everything works out for you.

From one military buddy to another...yes be worried. Not because you're gone so much but because she's already done it twice before. I'd be very interested to know how you found out. You being away is NOT an excuse and I can tell you that serving your country is no reason for her to be unfaithful. Have more self respect. If she doesn't appreciate your goals and missions in life, maybe it's time to chose someone who does. Plenty out there who will appreciate your worth.

                                                           

Sometimes, when the going gets tough, the tough get it on with someone else. But what really makes men stray? A nagging girlfriend? Bad sex? An escape from loneliness? Yes, yes and yes. Hear why these men slipped away from their girlfriends and landed in someone else's bed. Then — whether you're a guy or a girl — use the info below to sidestep this kind of situation in your love life. 

Reason #1: For payback
"I once cheated on my girlfriend after I saw on her cell phone that she had been text-messaging with her ex. They were pretty harmless messages, but it angered me that she had been communicating with him in the first place — I'd always thought they were a little too chummy. That night, I was out with friends and had a lot to drink. I got so worked up about those messages that I pretty much made it my mission to find another girl and hook up with her, which I did. I think it was a payback thing. We eventually broke up, but not because of that incident — I never told her — but more so because we just weren't right for each other. I know it wasn't the best way to handle my anger, but at the time, it sure did feel good."
— Christopher, 29, Oakland, CA

Reason #2: The physical attraction just isn't there
"Ever since I can remember, I have always been attracted to women with large chests. My ex-girlfriend was great in a lot of ways, but she was completely flat-chested, which did absolutely nothing to make me sexually attracted to her. I tried to look past it, but it was hard. About two months into our relationship, I was out with a bunch of friends at a sports bar, and our incredibly hot and ample-chested waitress was really hitting on me. She gave me her number and asked me if I wanted me to meet her after her shift was over. I agreed, and ended up sleeping with her. It was just a one night thing, but it helped me realize I needed to end things with my girlfriend, because I had to be with someone I was madly attracted to."
— Dave, 26, Roanoke, VA 

Reason #3: She just isn't there
"I cheated on my ex at a time when she was traveling so much that I never saw her. It was almost as if I didn't have a girlfriend. I got so lonely — especially on the weekend nights, and I missed that companionship, both physically and emotionally. When she was gone, I began seeing someone else while I was still technically seeing my ex. I ended up telling my ex and she broke it off with me. In the end, I think things ended for the better, even though the steps I took to make it happen weren't very honorable. I now make sure that whoever I choose to date doesn't have a job that requires big-time traveling."
— Scott, 30, Jessup, MD

Reason #4: He thinks he's missing out
"I had dated Melanie all through college ever since we met at orientation. After we graduated, I moved to New York and she moved to Chicago, but we decided we'd stay together. I spent nearly every weekend traveling to see her, but during the week, I'd go out with my friends in New York and have a blast. After a few months of that drill, I knew staying true to her would be tough; going out in the city made me realize how many smart, beautiful women are out there, and never having been with anyone other than Melanie made me feel like I was missing out on a lot of fun. One night I hooked up with another girl, which finally made me realize I had to end things with Melanie. I told her what happened, and, as it turned out, she had done the same thing a few times. While we were both hurt, we realized we needed to take some time off. We stayed friends, and still are today, even though we're married to different people."
— Tom, 35, New York, NY 

Reason #5: He's moved on emotionally
"I met my ex in a Weight Watchers meeting, of all places. When we started dating, we were both about 50 pounds overweight. As the months went by, I took the program really seriously and quickly dropped weight. She didn't adhere to the program, and her weight didn't come off. After I lost the weight, I felt this new sense of confidence — women who had never spoken to me before began approaching me, and it felt great. My ex, on the other hand, was depressed about being heavy, and was always jealous of other women. One weekend when she was out of town, I met this gorgeous woman at my gym and we slept together. I never told my ex, but I did end up breaking up with her a few weeks after that incident. I've realized since then that I need to be with women who are on the same page as me about the things in my life that are important."
— Brad, 41, Houston, TX 

Reason #6: There's too much fighting
"My ex and I used to live together, and we fought all the time. The constant tension made me miserable. In contrast to my ex, there was a girl at work who was easygoing, friendly and fun. One night we were both working late and ended up getting a drink together after we left. One thing led to another, and I ended up staying over at her place. As bad as this may sound, after that happened, I felt free. It was as if I finally had the courage to just end it with my ex already. When I came home the next morning, my ex went crazy, but for the first time, it didn't bother me, because I knew what I was going to do. I told her exactly what had happened and that I'd be moving out that week, and I did. I began seeing the girl from work, and we've been together for about four months now."
— Nate, 34, Boulder, CO 

Reason #7: He needs a shot of self-esteem
"I'm really shy, and have never felt very comfortable approaching women. I once had a girlfriend who was just as shy as me. Our relationship was fine — nothing too exciting — but I was resigned to the fact that it was my best option. I went to a conference for business, and during one of the dinners, a really attractive, sexy woman at my table began hitting on me like mad. I was so shocked; nothing like that had ever happened to me before. It made my self-confidence skyrocket, and I felt on top of the world. She and I were together that night and a few other times during the conference. I never told my ex about what had happened, but I did end things with her a few months later. After the conference the other woman and I never saw each other again, but the experience gave me the confidence that I could go out and approach interesting, exciting women — I just needed that push."
— Charlie, 33, St. Louis, MO

Reason #8: To fulfill a fantasy
"I once cheated on my girlfriend of six months when a girl I had been pining over for quite some time came on to me. She had been with someone else for a long time, so I knew she was off-limits. I have to admit, I'd still probably do it again; it was like my fantasy finally came true. I broke up with my girlfriend and dated this girl for a while, but we didn't last. Sometimes, the fantasy is better than the reality!"
— Mark, 44, New York, NY 

                                                       

Bring up the topic of cheating these days and the conversation will rage for hours. But there’s one aspect nobody ever seems to talk about: What if the person a guy betrayed his wife or girlfriend with isn’t some skanky ho. What if she’s an otherwise levelheaded, normal chick like, say, you? Because let’s face it, not everyone is 100 percent single when they meet the love of their life. The big question: If a guy cheated on someone with you, can you really trust him not to do the same to you?

The Ring Factor
“It’s not a good sign if a man is willing to cheat, but these things happen,” says clinical psychologist David Wexler, PhD, author of When Good Men Behave Badly. “Sometimes an affair can be a wake-up call that leads to a better, happier relationship than the person was previously in.”

Most men don’t cheat because they’re creepy womanizers. It often boils down to a lack of confidence when it comes to their love lives. “Anybody who stays in a relationship that isn’t working feels like they’re stuck and may not have the courage to break things off or be alone,” says Lorie Teagno, PhD, coauthor of Intimacy After Infidelity. That is obviously a red flag but doesn’t necessarily mean a man’s next relationship is doomed.

Whatever the reason he got some on the side, your odds of having a lasting relationship with a man who cheated improve if he wasn’t married or engaged at the time, says psychotherapist M. Gary Neuman, author of The Truth About Cheating. “One of the reasons we don’t marry someone is because we’re not sure we want to be with this person for the rest of our lives,” he says. “It shows he had doubts before you ever came along.” But it’s entirely different — and emotionally dangerous — if a man cheats on his wife, Neuman says, because he’s proved he can’t honor a serious commitment.

Moving Forward
If you’re concerned about the future of this new relationship, you should be, says couples therapist Mira Kirshenbaum, author of When Good People Have Affairs. “It’s not automatically true that if he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you, but you have to be very, very careful,” she cautions. And the faster he makes a clean break from his previous relationship, the better, Kirshenbaum says. Only then can the two of you begin to work on building a healthy new one.

After that, everything in your romance should move slowly. To make sure you don’t fall in love as recklessly as you fell into bed, Teagno recommends that you wait one or two months before starting over as two single people who are just beginning to get to know each other. “If you take time off, the chances of this working out are far greater,” she says.

Of course, you have to talk about the importance of honesty. Given his history, your guy needs to be prepared to be extremely open about his feelings — both positive and negative — and do whatever it takes to reassure you when he’s away on a trip or out late with the boys. “In the long run, actions speak louder than words,” Wexler says. “But if he can show that he’s learned from his mistakes, this new relationship has the potential to last.”